Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For a guy who isn't affected by gravity, I'm pretty down to earth

   Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

   Woman's Favorite Position is CEO.

   thinks the C.E.O. of B.P. should go to J.A.I.L.

   thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it comes to an end.

   drinking a full bottle of Nyquil, knowing that he is trading a cold for a hung over.

   Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

   "Silence is Another name for my Pain."

   it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.

   tennis players have fuzzy balls!!!!

   why am I so popular that all the facebook viruses come to me?????

   I just learned of a new Bullsh!t double standard today For cops.. It is illegal as he!! for civilians to drive n talk on a cellphone without a hands free device, (which is a good Law).. But appearently cops are exempt from this law. How is that right?

   There's a homeless man at the ATM asking for money....... Well played homeless man......... well played

   staying away from those suckers because they will give you cavities, and keep your grass short so you can see those snakes!!!!!

   People never say, "Boy that was sure a great Ben Affleck movie".

   Thinks it's time to start working out. I'm used to my stomach jiggling when I brush my teeth, but now it won't stop until I finish rinsing.

   joined the group "George Burns to host SNL" Let's see how good you THINK you are Facebook....

   Im the kinda human wreckage that you love

   Drama haters are the biggest drama makers !

   just a fig newton of your imagination