Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fact of the day... no such thing as an American site unless the website is about America. Football is what's going on in the World Cup... England will wake up and beat Slovenia: Fact!

   u can find smart guys in every corner of the earth..unfortunately the earth is round..

   Got lucky opening an oyster yesterday. I found an oil filter.

   Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

   Sex is like hacking. You get in, you get out, and you hope you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you.

   Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

   Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou hast been offended by me!

   To appreciate heaven , it's good for a person to have some fifteen minutes of hell

   Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.

   To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

   he'll shoot, he'll score, he'll eat your labrador, Football fans jeerig!! ofcourse they were Korea Fans!!

   gathering rocks to throw at the English Football Team!!!

   Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. WHY?

   is gonna go to a psychiatrists office, sit in the waiting room and just stare at people..

   feeling confused as a pelican flying over the Gulf of Mexico .

   Don't worry, during the Apocalypse the zombies are looking for brains, you're safe..

   What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam!

   I'm thinking that the only good mornings are the ones that start in the afternoon.

   - I can't believe we only managed a draw against a sh*t team we should easily have beaten........I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.....

   vampires in twilight is pale white ,, how come laurent is black ??