Funny Status Messages
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his dreams shattered.. Megan Fox got married, there goes my 0.000000000001% chance 
I like "glass half full" type of people. Unless they're working behind the bar.
My car talks. It says things like "your door is ajar", but never anything really helpful like, "there's a trooper hiding in the bushes."
Native Americans are the most successful strippers because when they dance they make it rain....
Facebook is a procrastinators best friend
understands this whole concept of cooking and cleaning. What I don't understand, and has not been sufficiently explained, was how this all applies to me or why I should even try?
there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs.
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
me people need a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up
I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass!
Common sense isn't common
Today's subliminal message is . . .
Just put together my first "Ikea" furniture.....wow some real cardboard CRAP!.......Hey Sweden, here's a bright ikea.....KEEP IT
I kissed a girl on the playground in the summer of '96. Maybe someday she'll find me and we'll hook up again. Who Knows, Until then I'll keep chasing brunettes with big boobies."
I don't believe I ever heard a man speak worse English with more difficulty, than Christiano Ronaldo in that Castrol commercial xD
We have Gandhi - India...beat that...Oh wait... he believed in non-violence
thinks that calling some people "white trash" is an insult to styrofoam.
I didn't say it was your fault...I said I was going to blame you.
knows that running the air conditioner 24/7 hurts the environment, but the Earth needs to be punished *somehow* for being so bloody hot.
Shocked Justin Bieber did not win a BET award.....don't worry Justin neither did Hanson, Nelson, or Hasseloff. 