Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today's facebook Status update is brought to you by the letters "B"..and ored!

   got kicked out of a shop.....it said "wet floor"on the sign...so I did....

   thinking that anyone who has sex with a justin bieber CD playing in the room is CLEARLY underage and should STOP!

   ...thinks that the web loaded slowly enough before someone came up with the brilliant idea of adding all of these Facebook "Like" buttons...

   I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.

   Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

   Got called "shallow" recently because I said I wasnt really into "plus size" women... received the classic quote, "its not what's on the outside, it's what's inside their heart that counts." yeah, too bad their heart is the size of a Canned Ham.

   I love how I don't have to watch the weather channel, I just sign onto Facebook and check the latest status updates.

   Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

   I know two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.

   I need a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service."

   I didn't realize until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.

   I like the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like." So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.

   I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.

   Hurricane Watch for south Texas, blame it on George W. Bush....

   I swear the vending machine starts talking to me when I'm on a diet. @Squishy_Penguin

   Run little rabbit! Run!

   thinks its quite funny that my mate with Attention Deficit Disorder drives a Focus.....

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   It's so hot outside! I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.