Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 587 of 6382
My anxiety has canceled more plans than bad weather.
mike pence’s full name is mechanical pencil
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06-02-2019 06:47
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Do rednecks get fatter so they can have bigger tattoos?
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06-01-2019 19:41
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Grandpa: In my day we worked three times as hard. Me: In your day soda contained cocaine.
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06-01-2019 19:22
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If Lassie was a cat, little Timmy would've died in that well...
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06-01-2019 16:03
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I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m
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06-01-2019 15:58 by Moon
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Did you know that coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc, which explains why I don't really give eeffoc about many thngs until I'm finish drinking it.
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06-01-2019 09:34 by Moon
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[laying on the couch this morning] Wife: I’d rather shave my poison Ivy covered legs and douse with paint thinner while listening to Nickelback. Me: ...a simple, “I have a headache” would’ve been fine.
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06-01-2019 07:17
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Ain’t nobody going to treat me like the celery on a HotWing plate
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05-31-2019 12:09
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If you're really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
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05-31-2019 03:36 by Pinesap
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I have spend so much money on buying different clothes...without realizing the best moments of my life are spent without them.
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05-30-2019 10:15
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Paradox: When you get two pairs of Doc Martin shoes for your birthday.
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05-30-2019 06:55
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I'm sure not many Brits are relieved May ended before May ended
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05-30-2019 06:50
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I just bought a crappy car that was made in Prague. The Czech engine light keeps coming on.
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05-30-2019 06:46
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My wife told me to get rid of my Hall & Oates collection. I told her I can't go for that.
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05-30-2019 06:46
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If anyone wants to come and talk about why my heating bills are sky high - the door is always open
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05-30-2019 06:41
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Coffee spelled backwards is eeffoc, This is why I don't give eeffoc until I've had my coffee!
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05-30-2019 06:29
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If a medieval musician had a bicycle, would it be called a Minstrel Cycle?
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05-30-2019 06:29
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I am addicted to buying old Beatles' albums. Does anyone know where I can get Help?
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05-30-2019 06:27
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Practice self-care like bats, avoid daylight & hug yourself adoringly while you sleep.
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05-30-2019 06:25
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