Funny Status Messages

   some people have their baby ruths or their michael jordan or wayne gretzky or dan marinos but my idol is adam from man vs. food.

   if my plunger could talk... i'd offer it a mint

   I just ate at a restaurant called, "5 guys burgers & fries" the food was great. How come there's only 2 guys working? This is false advertisement...

   I bet the vampires goes crazy when Bella is ragging....

   Has anyone ever noticed how on the facebook homepage before you log in, it looks as if the whole world is connected but Hawaii is not on there? I guess they dont have facebook

   ♥wants you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!!!!!....Or Fernando!!!!!!......Roberto? ♥Okay maybe this wasnt the best Metaphor but damn its a catchy song

   All news on Lindsay Lohan a spoiled girl who can't abide by laws. Here are a few worth knowing about: J. Bartett, D. Santos, C. Stanley, J. Reed, M. Johnson, Z. Fisher, B. King, C. Goeke, S. Tate, they gave their lives for you this week, Bless our troops!

   I might not have all the best things in life, but I always make the best of the things I do have.

   'Kidnapping' is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as 'surprise adoption

   567.. 568.. 569.. Can't talk until I finish my pushups 570.. 571..

   wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.

   Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   the monoply guy and the pringles guy look exactly the same have you noticed that?

   twying to twalk wiff twenty wemon dwops in my mouff

   ...is about as useful today as an appendix transplant...

   ...wondering why the police never send out any "feline units"...

   Does a midget using an iphone look like a regular person using an ipad?

   Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.

   "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."

   Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.