bego Funny Status Messages

   Why is Monday still a thing?

   The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it's the weekend. Then the snail is driving a Ferrari.

   I heard that Google Searches stay on your hard drive forever...that means my laptop will never be for sale.

   Don't call me " bae " " baby " " babe " or " love " unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that.

   Some people can ruin how attractive they are by doing this weird thing with their mouth... it's called "talking"

   I've always wanted to know how long "forever" was... and by looking at some peoples relationships its around 2 to 4 weeks.

   Pure laziness = when your computer asks you "the file asfslkddjf already exist, would you like to replace it?"

   Dear clear high heels, Thank you for helping me figure out who's a stripper and who's not.

   Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of damn major financial crisis?

   You're never too old to become younger.

   All successful people have had plans that failed, but none have ever failed to plan.

   A little thumb-dance when you don't know how to reply to a text

   Be with the one who will get your panties wet not your eyes.

   Having a dog as a friend better than having a friend as a dog ....

   Happy Saturday!!! May the only work you do be piecing together last night's drunk texts.

   I have way more eye contact with my computer screen than I do with any humans.

   oh hey Sobriety! no thanks, it's Saturday! Maybe you'll have better luck on Monday...

   Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.

   Men cheat the most, women cheat the best.

   I think I had my zipper down when I slapped my girlfriend at Walmart. I could hear people murmuring,"OMG what a d$ck!"