Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon two blondes walk into a bar... you would think one of them would of saw it
←Rate | 08-02-2010 22:50 Comments (3)  


   messageicon The U.S military has plans for attacking Iran according to the Joint Chief of Staff. For details, go to Wikileaks.org
←Rate | 08-02-2010 22:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The BP spill is now officially the worst spill in history.. surpassing Monica Lewinsky's dress.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 21:43 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've had bratwurst for 4 days straight. I think that means I have to pay taxes in Wisconsin now.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 20:07 by Tom Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think if a player wants more money because he "outplayed his contract", then pay him more if he hasn't been getting into trouble. But, put in a clause stating if he "under plays his contract" team able to reduce his pay accordingly. Injuries aside.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 19:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon is watching "according to Jim"...god definatly took the wrong Belushi
←Rate | 08-02-2010 19:14 by chris Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
←Rate | 08-02-2010 18:10 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 17:27 by KEN Comments (2)  


   messageicon I recently met my good friend's dad. All I could think while shaking his hand was, “Gross, my friend came from this guy's balls.” I'm pretty sure it's thoughts like these that separate me from the general public.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 17:25 by McFly Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 16:27 by JoeyTomatoes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard that Snooki was picked up by police for disorderly conduct.. apparently she was caught "orange-handed"
←Rate | 08-02-2010 16:11 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's only 9AM and today is already filled with suck.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon never make someone a priority in your life when you are only any option
←Rate | 08-02-2010 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon our lives are shaped by those who love us, and by those who refuse to love us
←Rate | 08-02-2010 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon who you love is a reflection of how you love yourself...
←Rate | 08-02-2010 15:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon currently kicking a hornet's nest. (i have a feeling this gonna end badly)
←Rate | 08-02-2010 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do homeless people get knock knock jokes???
←Rate | 08-02-2010 13:57 by geez Comments (0)  


   messageicon Huh?! Me fail english? UNPOSSIBLE!!
←Rate | 08-02-2010 11:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one is as ugly as his driver's license, nor as good-looking as his Facebook profile pic.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 11:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I predict that if, by 21 December 2012, the world doesn't end, there will be a huge baby boom in September 2013.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 10:57 by bigedusw Comments (0)  




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