Funny Status Messages

   have you ever notice that Chris Brown, Usher, Nelly and 55 Cent look exactly like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles???

   If Facebook really wanted to shake things up, they would introduce a thumbs-down "hate" button.

   In case you were wondering, this is how you say "bite my shiny metal ass" in Italian: "baciate il mio scintillante fondoschiena metallico..."

   Am I the only one who finds that Knock-Knock jokes are funnier when they're told to homeless people?

   Wonder if being a parcel delivery person has its UPS and downs.

   We need less work days & more snack days....

   if Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott went sailing together, and the boat capsized, who would be saved? Australia.

   I wish Brett Favre would stop texting me photos of himself. The guy is getting out of control.

   thinks there should be a Shart Week!

   On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

   Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack? If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

   Washing my face, eyes are closed and the cat rubs against my legs. First thought: "SHARK!!!" Second thought: "No more Discovery Channel before bed!"

   business must be getting better. I noticed on my last check the government gave itself a raise.

   A good way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.

   They found the gene that causes shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind some other genes.

   I'm not opposed to gay marriage.... I saw two women kissing in public the other day and I thought “man, that takes balls!”

   ok...who watches Jeremy Kyle to make themselves feel better about thier own screwed up life?

   I do like Sally Jessy Raphael but she REALLY does look like a Jim Henson puppet!

   my company is upgrading from Outlook 2003 to Outlook 2007, in 2010, which I fear will rip a hole in the space-time continuum.

   if you can keep your head when all around you are losing thiers...you probably haven't realised what's going on...