Funny Status Messages

   The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

   I think I drink too much... my liver is so shriveled, black and dead, if you put your ear up to it you can hear Gary Coleman.

   i don't always drink beer but when I do I prefer to get wasted

   Quick!! Someone make a status update about tomorrow being Monday and how you're already counting down the days until the weekend is here...

   Welcome to my world:-)...Oh yeah, I forgot..your not in it..:-/

   I miss ___________. I rather not mention you b/c your not worth mentioning :-)

   Status Unavailable. Please Try Again Later.

   Last night I had an epifanny....I realized I couldn't spell.

   Tried to order at McDonald's today, couldn't understand her. So I started poking her forehead with my finger, I was trying to push 1 for English.

   smoking probable cause :D

   If myspace and Twitter were suddenly gone, would anyone really care?

   you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never, under any circumstances, pick your friend's nose.

   sad that my FB has become my BFF.....

   I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!

   Hoping my dead grandma isn't watching EVERYTHING I do.....She would be pretty dissapointed in me!!

   I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

   The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   ok... it's been well over 4 hours and this thing aint gone down... do I keep going or call my doctor??

   knows what you did last summer...