BEGO Funny Status Messages

   When I call my parents, and they don't answer it's no big deal but when they call me and I don't answer it's like World War II.

   If I was a cop and I pulled over a drunk driver, I would make them do the Macarena as their sobriety test.

   Don't be mad when someone else starts to appreciate the person you took for granted. What you won't do, someone else will .

   Just ran over my neighbor's cat, but I left a note saying "Curiosity was here" I'm probably safe, right?

   Driving a rental car means never knowing the safest place to wipe a booger without haphazardly finding someone else's.

   Excuse me miss, you've got a little bit of face on your makeup there.

   My girlfriend just texted me saying, "I want you to get me all wet when I get home ;)" So I got 15 water balloons ready.

   Skinny= Anorexic Thick= Obese. Virgin= Too good. Non-Virgin= Slut. Friendly= Fake. Quiet= Rude. It seems like you can never please society

   Free samples shouldn't be limited to grocery stores...How can I be sure this Fifth of Scotch is worth the $10 without a quick chug?!?

   You say: "I now pronounce you man and wife". I hear: "FINISH HIM!!" (Mortal Combat music blasting)

   Facebook needs a "Meh" button.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Some girls are like community colleges... Even if you're not the smartest guy, you probably still get in.

   I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that.

   Never judge a book by its cover, UNLESS the word Twilight is written on it... then you know it's s$it.

   Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me? Sit back down. Can't face me? Turn around.

   Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls.

   If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of.

   Sharing a Facebook account with your gf/wife is the best way to let everyone know how whipped you are.

   Boy: "You're like summer." Girl: "Awww hot?" Boy: "Nope, no class."