Funny Status Messages
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Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read. 
Dave needs to get more sheep in Farmville! ... Dave needs to get 6 more points to advance in Mafia Wars! ... Dave needs to get a f-kin life!
Shake N' Bake
____________is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents in Narnia.
Female driving instructors... The equivalent of a blind person teaching kids to read.
If it wasn't for pricks like me, all you c*cksuckers would starve to death.
ust received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
|\\//\\//\\//\\| <-- <y best attempt at creating a piece of virtual bacon for you
stuck in traffic. Send bacon.
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes......how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
Just because a guy wears a dress and dances with men doesn't mean he's gay.
answered the phone at work, when the person asked if Roger was available..I said no, he's married
answering the phone..county morgue, you stab em, we'll slab em
coloring outside the lines
she would rather be a smartass than a dumbass
you know why guns are better the woman? You can put a silencer on a gun
sitting on the toilet and a Huge spider walked in under the door...at least I didn't poo my pants
DAMN you Farkle for temping me to Roll the Dice just one more time!
when I would cry as a kid, my sisters would sing..nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms....maybe I should have tried the worms?...nah rather have no friends!
Never recycle a past relationship. Because if it didn't work out before, what makes you think it would this time? 