Funny Status Messages

   I get drunk and bid on ebay!

   I finally got my wireless internet to work...this is the best thing to happen to me since the negative pregnancy test...

   Whenever I accidentally enter a wrong room I like to yell out a large number before excusing myself and leaving. That way everyone is left with a mystery to discuss, such as "What the hell does 402 mean?"

   If I ever go blind, I'm going to set up my entire house with strobe lights. That will really freak out my neighbors.

   I'm not a fan of Keebler cookies, or for that matter, anything else made by dirty elves in an unsanitary hollowed-out tree factory

   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

   Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

   A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

   A woman's work is never done. Which is probably why they don't make as much.

   playing Words With Foes

   Why do people keep telling me I need a positive attitude? I'm already positive I have an attitude.

   ...is now awesome. earlier I was just pretty damn amazing :)

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   full of whimsical f*ckery

   what you would call an "Anit-Hero"

   a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.

   Shall We Play a Game?

   Thinking rename the Weather Channel: " We are not even close about the weather Weather Channel"

   Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired, but man who run behind car get exhausted

   I turn the radio down when I drive by cops so there's no evidence of fun.