Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5608 of 6373
My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !
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09-15-2010 15:33
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People in jail cells shouldn't worry about having a facebook , because they're talking to walls as much as we are!
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09-15-2010 15:09
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I wish I was you so I could hang around with me
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09-15-2010 15:08
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(status update from the future) RIP everyone.
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09-15-2010 14:49 by Aaron
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I guess it's time to go grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself in our fridge and left a note 'Can't live like this'
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09-15-2010 14:29
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likes to send facebook status updates from my phone sometimes just to make it look like I left the house that day.
DON'T hit kids, NO- seriously, they have guns now.
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09-15-2010 14:12
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P.S. don't forget to take that stick outta ur ass! ;)
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09-15-2010 14:08
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did you stop to think and forget to start again?
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09-15-2010 14:07
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it's 3a.m...shouldn't YOU be baking?
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09-15-2010 14:06
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I'm going to miss you SOOO much! It's not just the sex....it's the food preparation too!! ;)
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09-15-2010 14:05
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I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 26yrs!
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09-15-2010 14:01
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trying to drown all her troubles, but couldn't get her husband to go swimming.
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09-15-2010 13:54
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YEP McDonald's has done it AGAIN.....f*cked up ANOTHER order!!
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09-15-2010 13:50
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that a gun in ur pocket...or you just happy to see me? ;)P
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09-15-2010 13:46
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I bet teaching abstinence in school now days is much easier with the invention of the #FleshLight
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09-15-2010 13:38 by @tejas74
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In America, you will eventually have a President that used to play Pokemon as a child. Scary.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
When you tell a kid "maybe" all they here is "I swear on my life this will DEF happen!"
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09-15-2010 13:22
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a recent survey has found that most men do not partake in doing Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL) as ritual before going to an evening event/gala. Adversely, men are apt to remain active in an older tradition spanning many decades... Shave, Shower, Sh-it. (SSS)