BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Go ahead and play "hard to get"...I'll be over here playing "don't give a s$it"

   Ahh, Subway. It's the only place on Earth where you can force a woman to make you a sandwich and she can't tell you to f$ck off.

   How are you feeling today? Like a tampon. In a good place... At the wrong time.

   You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

   Even if women came with a set of instructions, men would toss them aside without reading them.

   Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life.

   Dad, thanks for forgetting to use a condom and creating the greatest person ever!

   Being a FEMALE is a matter of BIRTH, being a WOMAN is a matter of AGE, but being a LADY is a matter of CHOICE...

   Right all wrongs. Settle everything with love and understanding.

   If you still talk about it, you still care about it.

   I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven

   M̸o̸n̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸u̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ W̸e̸d̸n̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ Friday Saturday Sunday

   Guys who say they like girls who don't wear makeup really mean they like girls that look really hot without the help of makeup.

   If I had a year to live, I would spend it with my ex... because it would be the longest year of my life.

   Found out today you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help.

   There's two kind of people in this world: People that use "lol" or "haha"

   I like girls with curves, if I wanted to see bones, I would go to the damn museum.

   R.I.P. To The B$tches Dying For Attention

   People who don't like bacon cannot be trusted, end of story.

   I want to hold hands and waste friday nights with you while we both getting wasted.