bego Funny Status Messages

   Favorite alcoholic beverage??? ...the one that has the alcohol in it...

   We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.

   I wish breaking up with someone meant they had to refund all the money you spent on them.

   Bud Light with lime??? What's the primary target demographic for that? Rednecks with scurvy?

   High School Spanish class taught me just enough to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

   If I was a homeless person, I would make a Coinstar costume and just sit outside of grocery stores.

   Ladies, don't wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.

   If Adele, The Weeknd, Drake, and Frank Ocean made an album together. Everyone would be in their deepest feelings.

   Oh you got “Swag”? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

   Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything.

   Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone. 

   The very first photo uploaded to Facebook was a cartoon cat. The second one was probably a duck-face girl.

   Just when you think your day can't get any worse, someone pokes you on Facebook

   I'll let my dog ride with me to the store just to wait in the car for the sole purpose of him not assuming I'm doing something fun every time I leave the house.

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder. 

   Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.

   Experts say caffeine is bad for you, fat is bad you, sugar is bad for you… But don't worry, worrying is also bad for you too

   Sometimes I want to ask certain people, "So you looked in the mirror and thought you looked good enough to go outside?"

   How come you can wear jeans everyday and nobody cares... but you wear a shirt twice in one week and you're suddenly homeless?

   Slut: *Facebook status* describe me with a commercial slogan <3 Me: So easy a caveman could do it.