Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5450 of 6384
When I read about yet another overnight shooting in the ghetto I can't help but sigh at the senselessness and hope it wasn't my drug dealer.
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11-10-2010 09:29 by Aaron
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I don't have a dog, I eat my own homework.
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11-10-2010 09:03
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There is a day just for humping??!! Why wasn't I notified about this sooner?!
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11-10-2010 08:43
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wished there was o dislike button for pics posted in fb...:|
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11-10-2010 08:27
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Whoever thought that climbing into a box and doing their thinking there didn't come up with the best idea...
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11-10-2010 06:52
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When people I don't know ask me what I do for a living I shout "Karma," and punch them before running away.
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11-10-2010 06:44
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"Does size matter?" "Yes I told you 2 inches makes a huge difference. Now just buy the damn laptop dad, this conversation is creeping me out".
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11-10-2010 06:38
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thinking of spending the cab money on more shots and just taking the ambulance home
Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose
Confucius says: Crowded elevator smell different to midget
thinks The McRib is made of the same fat they injected in Lisa Rinna's lips.
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11-10-2010 05:17
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Whats the purpose of a camouflage Snuggie? Do you plan on going to war with your AK-47 and your trusty snuggie? Look it has sleeves so you can shoot your self!!
You couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a handful of pardons!
Sorry homework - - TV wins again! It is just too temping :)
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11-10-2010 00:16
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best job in the world .... a pillow ,get to lay in bed all day and get head every night
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11-09-2010 23:54
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Im hiring a midget for a party. Any idea what they eat?
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11-09-2010 23:41
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Only in America would they name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.
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11-09-2010 23:34
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knows you partied too hard the night before when you're eating cereal naked the next day and your girlfriend says: "Put your clothes on". Just then you realize that was not your girlfriend - it's some woman walking her dog.
thinks the only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo, is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you.
finds himself dating high maintenance women. I'm not sure why - I think because I hate money. Its as though I check out my checking account, and I say: Oh, that's just too much. I need to make an investment that's going nowhere, fast!
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11-09-2010 23:19
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