Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering what makes it "so s o g double o d good"

   would like to thank Matt Lauer for preventing any future Kanye West appearances!

   thinks maybe Kanye should take his toys and go play with Joy Bahar. I'm sure she needs the ratings.

   wht is the different between your dog and your wife??? well you still miss your dog after one year..!

   looking forward to the next Kanye apology for being an idiot!

   You always feel a sense of accomplishment when you finally get that food stuck between your teeth with your tongue....So get ready for Thanksgiving.

   Don't be sad, if you think you're not important to someone....or something, Just Google yourself.

   they say a way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but with this knife I know a shortcut through the chest which ain't far from it.

   I don't intoxicated and delusional. I get drunk and confident.

   hates having to delete facebook "friends" that I like, even though they don't give a crap about me. I wish there was a facebook jail to put them in for 30 days.

   The McRib is like the IRS...Both come around once a year, and when they do everybody cringes!!!

   enought with your mama jokes already. Time for a daddy joke...Your daddy so ugly....he had to resort to doing it with your mama!

   I heard that a guy fell out fo the 13th story window of a building and he died! Spooky...

   She takes a backseat to no one. But will get in the back seat with anyone.

   So, your kid made the the Dean's List huh? Well I say his real parents would be proud because you're both morons so he clearly must be adopted.

   Yes I realize I wore this shirt last time you saw me. I don't own 365 t-shirts, so the odds of this happening again are roughly 1 in 10.

   gone to search for One Eyed Willie's rich stuff.

   if at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck!!!

   did you just say something?Or did your brain fart!

   Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.