Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Since today is Labor Day, I am dressing up as a union goon and beating up everyone with a different opinion from mine

   Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it's strapped to the top of someone's car.

   Before you get married try walking with your partner through IKEA. If you don't end up in an argument, you're good to go.

   Bumper stickers from past elections are the tramp stamps of the automobile world.

   I'm hoping one of the new scenes Lucas adds to Star Wars involves Jar Jar being brutally killed

   Just read the entire Michael Jackson will -- turns out the doggone girl is mine.

   Car commercials make driving around in empty parking garages look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.

   I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, “Forget everything you know about kitchen knives.” So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me knives, and I didn't know what they were!

   someone ended a tweet to me with "STFU." I've no doubt they were referring to St. Fu the patron saint of long mustaches.

   Admit it, we all feel much worse for the homeless guy's dog than we do for the homeless guy

   I challenge you to name a more frightening experience than seeing a police car make a u-turn behind you

   I really hope the guy from Microsoft can take some time out from his busy schedule to read the hundreds of error reports I send him daily

   I had to put my pet rock to sleep. It attacked all my pet scissors.

   What is about public restrooms that make people go, "Yeah, I'm just not going to flush"

   Many admit to being fools for love. But only Foghat had the guts to admit to being fools for the city

   The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties

   No I didn't watch the VMA. I was unaware MTV EVEN showed music videos anymore

   Lady Gaga says her fans are monsters.Really? Then how come the Wolfman hates her guts?

   This hotel has the worst mini-bar. All the little bottles of booze taste like shampoo.

   Philadelphia is out of batteries. Not sure if its cause of the hurricane or cause football season is about to start