Baddie Funny Status Messages

   When pronouncing my name, the "Hey A sshole" is silent.

   I would never wanna see my girlfriend cry, That why I got a password on my phone.

   If you’re gonna use the word ‘horny’, you’d better be attractive. Otherwise, cut that s hit out.

   Things more fashionable than a Nickelback t-shirt: 1. Fanny packs. 2. Mom jeans. 3. Crocs. 4. Men's Capri pants. 5. Being on fire.

   There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from Hawaii.

   My favorite Transformer is the one that transforms from a hoe into a housewife.

   After sex I enjoy a big glass of get the fu-ck out of my house.

   I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.

   Just because I pet your dog doesn't mean I want to talk to you, get over yourself hot girl.

   Seeing a unicorn would be incredible and all, until you realize a wild animal with a spike on its head tends to enjoy spearing things to death.

   Girls with big boobs never have to worry about having spinach stuck in their teeth.

   Insomnia is for people who haven't tried watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.

   The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.

   Just bought my " I survived black history month" T-shirt

   Alcoholism is a disease. That's why I feel entitled to use the handicap parking spaces when I'm drunk.

   I don't cuddle after sex because cuddling strangers is gross.

   The only thing more annoying than working for a living is people.

   The other day I went so far back into someone's timeline I ended up on their MySpace page.

   Kristen Stewart doesn't get enough credit for her acting ability. I thought she was great as Harry Potter's wand.

   Nothing tests a woman like having to stop talking for 2 f uckin minutes whilst she’s brushing her teeth