Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   I've just been given a six month suspension from football. I caught an opponent with a tackle and broke both his legs... I admit the tackle was a bit late, he was getting into his car at the time.

   Those peeps out there are actin crazy..I had to hit someone over the head wit a frozen turkey...But that old lady had it comin cuz that will be the last time she runs over my foot wit her wheelchair....

   thinks it's discriminating that there's a Black Friday but not a White Friday!

   Auto-Correct is shut, every time I try to swear it ducking corrects it, for duck sake it's doing it now, to he'll with it, suck on my cook you auto-correcting butch!

   Can you really get everything you want at Alice's Restaurant ? (except for Alice)..

   If three strikes in bowling is a turkey, then I wish you a happy XXX day tomorrow.

   obama even suxs more on thanksgiving....

   This years Thanksgiving challenge: See if you can sneak a bowl of Lucky Charms on the table.

   Having Grey Goose For Thanksgiving Dinner

   You call it leftovers, I call it fine dining for at least a week.

   Redneck turkey timer: add a handfull of unpopped popcorn to your stuffing... when his ass blows off he's done!

   Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.

   No one can do everything, BUT everyone can do something!!!

   Vu ja de: When you are in a situation that reminds you of something that will happen.

   everybody is celine dion in the shower..

   Like a good neighbor, Mr. Rogers is there

   just realized that Superman was an illegal immigrant

   Goldfish and animal crackers.....Her favorite kind of surf and turf