Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't need a "Plan B" because my "Plan A" is awesome.

   To the advice of my lawyer, it's in my best intrest not to post a status tonight.

   Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡

   And as another Christmas ends my mind drifts and once again, I'm thinking like a six year old. Only 364 days to go.

   robs tip for students #546- Teachers know when you're texting. Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles

   For this is a special time when family And friends get togetherfor fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of holidays and always!!!

   its your birthday too today? well this is for christmas AND your bday !

   Dear kids, There is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Sincerely: WIKILEAKS

   Santa does not get milk and cookies at my house. Beer and pretzels it is. I figure after several million gulps of milk and enough cookies to cause a diabetic coma, a beer would be refreshing.

   Plan worked perfectly last night! Reindeer BBQ at my place tonight anyone?

   - I just don't like the look of my hands.....That's why I always keep them at arms length.

   Would Jesus be pissed off that we are celebrating his birthday on the wrong day?

   I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out

   hopes Santa got Charlie Brown a football tee this year.

   May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope; The spirit of Christmas which is peace; The heart of Christmas which is love.

   You know you're at the top of the naughty list when you get nothing under the tree, coal in your stocking and reindeer crap on your roof!

   : OK, I didn't get what I want for Xmas.... I'm coming after you FAT MAN IN A RED SUIT!!! And don't think I'm not gonna egg your sleigh either!

   Snowmen for sale....some assembly required!

   I somehow managed to get chocolate inside my shoe. And somehow mustered the bravery to figure out it was chocolate.

   It only took 6 drinks but I'm starting to feel the Christmas spirit.