Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5359 of 6374
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when life hands you lemons, through it back at live and say hey I asked for limes
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12-06-2010 20:21 by ndaoud
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Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin' STILL isn't easy.
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12-06-2010 20:19
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If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.
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12-06-2010 20:18
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Facebook keeps telling me your friends are waiting, go use friend finder to find your friends. stfu seriously go find your own friends facebook and leave me the hell alone.
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12-06-2010 20:03 by Ndaoud
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■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!
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I heard a fantastic idea today. Instead of the strip-screener machines at the airport, we need a reinforced isolation chamber, once in, any explosives on the body are somehow detonated. Everyone is happy.
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12-06-2010 18:40
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My sex drive isn't too bad..... There's a hooker just three blocks from here.
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In this kind of weather I like to get a space heater, a good book, a pot of coffee, and curl up on the toilet.
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My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. ... Which is a shame, because I fancy him.
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This one time, at band camp....I beat a kid unconscious with a trumpet for constantly quoting a movie from over 10 years ago.
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12-06-2010 17:33
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If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.
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'Tis the season when we buy this year's gift with our next year's money...'
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This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you'd be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
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My moral compass always gets me lost.
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My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I replied "your sister." Was that wrong?
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12-06-2010 17:19
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I don't care about your opinion enough to argue with you about anything.
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Why was Frosty so excited? He heard the snowblower was coming.
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12-06-2010 17:15
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This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?
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12-06-2010 17:11
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Why doesn't Homeland Security call the new "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign, "The National Tattle-Tell Campaign"?
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12-06-2010 15:54
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Thank goodness for these new profiles... without them, I might never have known that so many of my friends speak english.
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12-06-2010 15:53 by Dy7lan
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