Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5357 of 6374
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I'm from a small town full of gossip. I used to catch up whenever I talked to my folks. Now whenever they tell me something, I already know. Thanks Facebook.
←Rate |
12-07-2010 15:26 by Heather25
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I swear if this day gets any better, I'm gonna have to sit on my hands to keep from clapping!!!
←Rate |
12-07-2010 15:23
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." so they feel awkward trying to remember me.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Just got a Facebook "confirmed friend request" email from the bar I got kicked out of a few weeks ago. That means I'm allowed back in, right?
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Alarm clocks. Because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
←Rate |
12-07-2010 15:05 by Heather25
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Just so there are no misunderstandings, I am here for my own entertainment.
←Rate |
12-07-2010 15:03 by Heather25
Comments (1)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
How come no one will ever hold my hand and skip with me in public places??
←Rate |
12-07-2010 14:53 by Heather25
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I need to be a greeter at Walmart so I can direct people appropriately. "Nair for your lady mustache aisle 4...Deodorant for that stench aisle 5..." etc.
←Rate |
12-07-2010 14:35 by Rayzvibe
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
today, when I asked my dad why wedding dresses are white, he replied; "son, all household appliances come in white".
←Rate |
12-07-2010 13:42 by Joe
Comments (1)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Make up, the worst lie man will ever come across
←Rate |
12-07-2010 13:30
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
sitting beside a hot girl that just picked her nose and put it under her seat... She's no longer hot.
←Rate |
12-07-2010 13:27 by Brick
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
"Do you know where the nearest payphone is located?" Um... 1998?
←Rate |
12-07-2010 13:09 by Aaron
Comments (4)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
can tell you the 5 most unappealing words in the English language... Used Hot Tub For Sale.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
When the cable goes out, I like to sit down and do some writing. ...Usually a check to the cable company.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I also accept gifts in the form of beer, casual sex and football tickets
←Rate |
12-07-2010 12:43
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child… she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
←Rate |
12-07-2010 12:16
Comments (0)
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Most people don't act stupid – it's the real thing.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I walk the streets with a smile on my face while looking up. Just in case the cameras of Google Maps are filming.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Being a responsible adult is seriously messing up my social life.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
"You can't see London. You can't see France, until we see your underpants." -TSA
←Rate |
12-07-2010 10:45 by Kelevra
Comments (0)