Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5329 of 6446

Thank you drive thru worker man for not only making me ask for ketchup but for also giving me only 2 packages for my large fry.
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01-18-2011 19:16
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somedays you're the duck, somedays you're the goose.
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01-18-2011 19:06
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thinks Cupid should upgrade to a crossbow and dip his arrows in Rohypnol to help out the really ugly people.
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01-18-2011 19:02
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you will have "im a barbie girl" in your head in 2 seconds.(:
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01-18-2011 18:59 by nasia
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If you're going to poke me, you better buy me dinner first.
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01-18-2011 18:55
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I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.

Facebook is basically a crazy house. People poke each other all day, have an imaginary pet, farm, and city, talk to walls, and have random arguments with people.
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01-18-2011 18:08
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If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.
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01-18-2011 18:01
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feels incredibly overwhelmed by all the work I have to do today... Of course, the responsible thing to do is to update my Facebook status.
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01-18-2011 17:54
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UPDATE: In the wake of Starbucks announcing a new, bigger size yesterday, McDonalds will come out with a 400-pound McNugget.
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01-18-2011 17:51
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There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a Facebook account and those who shouldn't have a Facebook account.

Whenever I see a fat white girl smoking a Newport I know a mulatto baby is on the way.
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01-18-2011 17:46 by RedDog58
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I wish I could make it illegal for anyone to wake up before 6am.

At a Drive-Thru I think they should ask you to let them know when your ready as opposed to what you want to order. Cuz we are never ready as soon as we drive up.
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01-18-2011 17:35
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If you don't have something nice to wear, then don't wear anything at all.
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01-18-2011 17:32
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I am soon going to realize my dream of opening a combination hardware and sporting goods store...it's name shall be..."Sport N' Wood"
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01-18-2011 17:30 by Woody
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Oh please tell me you are NOT crying because I took the wrapper off your juice box straw!
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01-18-2011 17:30
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Don't make the same typo I did in a text to my girlfriend: "Having a great time wish you were her."
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01-18-2011 17:29
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Going to the mall today to sit on Cupid's lap and tell him who I want for Valentine's day.
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01-18-2011 17:26
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The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.
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01-18-2011 17:22 by Aaron
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