SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   "Love me tender." - pirate describing his fondness of breaded chicken

   I'm in Wisconsin for two more days which should be just long enough to lose enthusiasm for existence.

   I think it's time for me to pick something to care about.

   Wrote a screenplay called "Primal Justice" about a high dollar lawyer gorilla torn between his code of ethics & his lust for power/bananas.

   Bacon. The word alone deserves its own status.

   Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby

   Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.

   This cold, bleak, dreary, wet, grey weather has given me Seasonal Adjective Disorder.

   Made eye contact with a cop on the platform as the train took off. I gave him the finger on principal.

   Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of sh!t some people are.

   I appreciate a really well thought out poor excuse.

   If I had a time machine I would go back in time 20 minutes & unsmell my cousin Daryl's finger.

   The downside of fame? I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately getting harassed and hounded by a waiter holding the bill.

   I see all these dark smoke signals coming from my neighbor's house & all I can think is, "How long can it take for him to elect a new Pope?"

   My tweets have been squeaky clean today. Like a French woman's cute little petunia after a visit to the bidet!

   Now taking holiday orders for my homemade body butter. Please sign the release form stating that you are not allergic to Krazy Glue.

   The best thing about an ultrasound photo is you can tag any guy you've had sex with in it and he'll think you're pregnant & that's his baby.

   Los Angeles hasn't changed me. I still put on leather pants one leg at a time.

   Not sure why there isn't a Williams sister sitting on my face right now.

   My thoughts are strangers with rides and I keep getting in.