BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My Life: Wake up, Survive, Sleep.

   My girlfriend is walking out on me because of my obsession with Call of Duty. It's ok, she won't get far. I set up a claymore by the door.

   I hope they gave this year's Nobel Prize to the dude who invented Yoga Pants.

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible.

   They need to make a breathalyzer app for my phone... After 10pm, I'm usually above the legal limit to text message.

   How the heck does one cup of coffee equal one gallon of pee!?!?

   I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

   Some french fries are excellent, and other french fries are just an acceptable way to eat ketchup…

   A Life ?! Where can I download one of those?

   CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!! *Message Sends* Kill me now

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity.

   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

   I have this weird fetish where I like to sleep with attractive and smart women...

   The worst thing ever = that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

   The PT Cruiser is probably the most expensive form of birth control.

   Spice Girls reunite?!?! We have to ask... Which one would you bang?

   A woman will watch the game with you. The perfect woman will watch it on top of you.

   For the love of God, ASK me, don't AXE me!

   I always look around the bar to see what level of women are there before I decide what level of drunk I have to become.

   If the fate of humanity ever rests on me filling out an online survey, we're pretty much doomed.