Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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If your boyfriend gets you flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day, it's because he was saving money to get his real girlfriend jewelry. 
Sure, sure, Egypt . . you started a revolution with a facebook page. But have you stopped child abuse by changing your profile pic to a cartoon character for a week? Yeah, didn't think so. Go America!
The older I get, the older old is.
don't want FOP Damn it, I'm a Dapper Dan Man!
We live in the W.T.F generation = W-wikipedia T-twitter F-facebook ;)
Wikileaks latest release: Wikileaks latest release: Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.
You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
Try something spontaneous today. Like combustion.
Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and think to yourself, “I'm not as hungry as I thought I was.”
Bleeched blonde hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man.
In my opinion,nobody needs a girlfriend or boyfriend untill they get married...
Either I made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Q: What do you call a Packers fan holding a bottle of champagne after the Super Bowl? A: Waiter.
Super Bowl Sunday is always followed by National Call Into Work Sick Day.
╔═══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ═══════════════╗ ♥ SEX, ALCOHOL & FOOTBALL - IT'S SUPER BOWL WEEKEND!!!!!!!! ♥ ╚═══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ═══
My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.
I went to the chemist and said, "I'd like some deodorant please." The woman said, "Is it the ball deodorant you want?" I said, "No, underarm."
I've just had a tattoo done on my arse which says, "If you're reading this, we're in prison."
I always thought visiting Egypt would be fun. Now I hear it's a RIOT!!
Black History Month reminded me that Peanut Butter was invented by a black guy...I Assume "Chunky" was in reference to his White Girlfriend... 