Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5285 of 6446

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."---Hedberg Classic :)
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02-01-2011 10:42
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the weather forecast sounds so dirty when the female meteroligists talk about all those inches!!!
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02-01-2011 10:40
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How come Mario can smash through bricks... yet he dies when he touches a freaking turtle!!!???
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02-01-2011 10:14 by @bdog712
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When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!
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02-01-2011 10:05 by Jeff
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Dear Weatherman, Thanks Nostradamus, but I believe the fact that I now have ovaries is a pretty good indicator of how cold it is...Tell me when I can expect the thermometer to NOT read "Fu@king Burrrr" anymore....work on that...thanks
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02-01-2011 10:00
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Girls are like police. They never believe things without evidence.
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02-01-2011 09:57 by Will
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knows Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words...
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02-01-2011 09:54 by Will
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I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
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02-01-2011 09:52 by Will
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What do I mean no? Let me clarify....No! As in the opposite of yes. And as in you get nothing!!
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02-01-2011 09:42
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Bill Clinton was recently seen smoking a pipe. When asked why he wasn't smoking a cigar he said, ''Cigars are for pu**ies." Clinton rules!
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02-01-2011 09:07 by Dopey420
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this college basketball game is presented to you by Bud Light.....but we wont sell it just to piss you off!
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02-01-2011 08:26
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Everything ██is█████ ████ ████fine ███ █ ████ love. ████ █████ the ███ Egypt ███ ████ government ██
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02-01-2011 07:41
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Tottenham's bids to sign David Beckham and Phil Neville failed after they missed the transfer deadline... By 7 years.
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02-01-2011 07:37 by @clarkysj
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Who's hit more balls than Babe Ruth?...... Your chin
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02-01-2011 03:34
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Do you work at Subway?... Cuz you just gave me a footlong!

Simon sure does look alot like Steven Tyler this year, huh?

this heat is making me as confused as a baby in a strip club...
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02-01-2011 02:02 by Mile
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That little Justin Biber chick is really starting to piss me off! Why can't one of the Olsen Twins give her Herpes or something?
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02-01-2011 02:01
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
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02-01-2011 02:00 by Mile
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's tip of the day: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
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02-01-2011 01:57
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