Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5279 of 6446

Just built a time machine, it's taken me days and heaps of uncooked macaroni. I wrote this tomorrow!
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02-02-2011 19:54 by isay
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Stalking is such a strong word....i perfer the term surveillance expert
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02-02-2011 19:08
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girls are like phones. we love to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!!
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02-02-2011 18:37
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just heard that Obama peeked his head out of the White House and saw his shadow....well, I guess it's six more years of recession...
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02-02-2011 18:27 by M.A.C.
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hates snow blowing.... it gives me an ice cream headache.
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02-02-2011 18:07
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If you got attacked by a bunch of homeless people would you be bummed?

does anyone else think that Bert and Ernie weren't so much 'funny ha ha' as they were 'funny...well...you know...
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02-02-2011 17:17 by M.A.C.
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we got about 18 inches of "global warming" on the ground now...
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02-02-2011 17:14
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Don't blame me for your lack of self-esteem... That's why it's called SELF-esteem.
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02-02-2011 17:14
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WARNING: If you get a message from somebody and it has the subject title "Link to Ashley Simpson videos", DON'T OPEN IT! It's not a virus or anything, but her music is terrible.

My wife and I have are talking about renewing our vows. Or as I like to call it, getting a double life sentence.

When the I in "I love you" becomes more important than the "you," the word in the middle just fades away.

Damn!! My internet is running slower than a turtle with 3 broken legs and a massive head injuty--doesn't it know that I am a FB addict?

I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror.

i'm like an ostridge, i'll stick my head in any dirty hole
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02-02-2011 16:31
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Dear Alaska, please refrain from gifting your weather next year.
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02-02-2011 16:21
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Taco Party outside Bill's office Right now!
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02-02-2011 15:41
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Getting 3 inches of snow per hour. My front yard looks like Charlie Sheen's coffee table.

if I could just harness the powers of that groundhog to predict the future...I'd be unstoppable...and I could dig like a mother fu@ker too...
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02-02-2011 15:18 by M.A.C.
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Pajama jeans (pajamas that look like jeans)...the selling point...regular jeans are hard to put on, tight and uncomfortable...I think maybe just buying the next size up in jeans would solve the whole problem yes? just saying....
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02-02-2011 14:48 by recoil
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