Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5278 of 6446

   messageicon I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.!
←Rate | 02-03-2011 01:30 by Mallory Comments (0)  


   messageicon As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 01:27 by Laura Comments (0)  


   messageicon I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 01:25 by Laura Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I like to masturbate big words into my sentences, even if I don't know what they mean..
←Rate | 02-03-2011 00:35 by datjusthappened Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a fight with my shoelaces this morning. It ended up in a tie.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 00:34 by RC Comments (0)  


   messageicon no wonder gangsters pants hang so low there so full of sh*t
←Rate | 02-03-2011 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quite certain that my cat, as he lies here “purring” beside me, is plotting ways to kill me in my sleep. Or at least a clever plot that will ultimately end up in me finding a turd in my shoe in the morning.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 00:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Employer, I have worked insane amounts of hours for you; shed blood; even went through a divorce because of you. Is it too much to ask for some decent toilet paper up in here?
←Rate | 02-03-2011 00:08 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does Steven Tyler remind you a Jack Sparrow or am I crazy?
←Rate | 02-02-2011 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to inclimte weather, all shenanigans are cancelled until further notice
←Rate | 02-02-2011 23:10 by Rachael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop takin pics with yo Income TAX/Grant Money from school. You Broke
←Rate | 02-02-2011 22:25 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it so hard to find information without paying for it? but I can google Kevin Bacon, Justin Bieber and that OctoMom for free?!? AH
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:56 by Rachael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:46 by Abbybaby34 Comments (1)  


   messageicon In case you havn't been outside or looked at any of your 376 other friends status's... I'm stating the obvious, it's cold.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know your a Packer fan when you consider your season a success by beating the 'Bears' and not by rings on your fingers
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:06 by migasjoe Comments (1)  


   messageicon you know your a Packer Fan when the bluebook value of your truck goes up and
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:04 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Steelers have enough Rings to become a Planet!!!
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:03 by migasjoe Comments (1)  


   messageicon ...can't believe how less sophisticated and superstitious the people of Egypt seem like on tv. I mean it's ridiculous!! Hey, did anyone see whether the ground hog saw his shadow today??....
←Rate | 02-02-2011 20:57 by dfotravels Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got a new puppy! I named him Go away, poor little guy is going to be so confused everytime I call him.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 20:44 by Dopey420 Comments (0)  


   messageicon reading other statuses right now, but your status is important to me. Please stay online and your status will be read in the order it was received. Approximate wait time is 17 mins.
←Rate | 02-02-2011 20:41 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left