Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think facebook needs an "I've seen this before, but I still like it" button....

   playing a game of Hungry Hungry Typos.

   if you forget Valentine's Day and your lady gets angry just tell her you were waiting for Presidents Day to combine the two into one special evening.

   I'm having an anti-valentines party in my pants for all the single ladies.

   my headache is gone! She finally went home!!

   L.I.F.E. = L.ive I.t F.ully E.veryday

   I dont hate you!! .............I hate your parents for having you.

   celebrating black history month by watching re-runs of THE FIRST 48....

   thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard and I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it... I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log.

   A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?" "Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

   Almost Valentine's day. Don't worry if you've been dumped, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding, the oil spill killed them all.

   My fat friends all want to go to dinner and my skinny friends all want to go to yoga.

   so lazy that sometimes I just sit around staring at something I want that is across the room from the couch (okay, on the coffee table) and wish I had go-go gadget arms.

   at taco bell eating 30% beef and 70% surprise

   hates the KKK as much as anyone... but it is kinda neat that they introduced "hoodies" to American fashion.

   " why is there no edit option on facebook" .. like the whole world never makes a typo ?

   I think I have a problem. I'm checking myself into rehab. If anyone needs me, I'll be at Charlie Sheen's house.

   It's February. Think now may be a good time to take down your freakin' Christmas lights? Hmm?

   So I'm looking at a prescription medicine bottle and the directions say, "Take 1 Tablet Orally Every Day." My question is, "Who was the dumbass that stuck the tablet up his butt?"

   texting Buffy her next victim...EDWARD