Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish I had chocolate socks! It would make my foot-in-the-mouth problem less traumatic!

   GTL,.......just had a grinder and a taco, and now bout to finish my laundry

   If you ever find yourself thinking...man I really need to go out and buy myself a Clay Aiken cd...please delete me as a Facebook friend

   Apparently Mubarak was trying to wait things out: " I will step down when the Cleveland Cavaliers win a game". I think he just realized he doesn't have all year to wait...

   Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the car radio as they trick me when i'm driving.

   No facebook, I wanna know what's on your mind!

   just gave a woman my number in Roman numerals... if she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

   thinks sometimes it's fun to ask someone how they are but then before they can respond say, "Anyway" and change the subject.

   Alright look...I'll be honest, those pants make your ass look like your inner child grew up, and decided to invite some friends over...

   I was locked out of my girlfriend's house last night, so I decided to smash her back doors in. Good way to kill the time whilst we waited for the locksmith.

   the orginal Peanut Butter Twix was so much better than the newer PB Twix.

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend?

   I hate you cheetos . You ruined all my good jeans .

    Egyptian Pres. Mubarak finaly steps down. I think he was in denial--which coincidentally is where his body will be found if he doesn't move far far away..

   Do you think it's OK to cross out the word LOVE on a Valentines card and replace it with "WANNA F&@K"?

   I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...

   Do those Jehovah Witness guys on the bicycles ride south for the winter? Hadn't seen them in awhile.

   Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…

   Microsoft and Nokia teamed up to start developing smart phones. Isn't Nokia still making brick cell phones with snake on them?

   wants a Phd in Sarcasm !!