Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   bacterial outbreak stemming from the playboy mansion? I think thats called an STD!

   tuned in to watch the Grammys but didn't see hardly any grandmothers at all.

   Mick jaggers performance was so late in the evening because they had to wait for the sun to go down so he could rise from his coffin.

   Sex is the price women pay for marriage,and marriage is the price men pay for sex

   Rihanna was about 1/8 of an inch away from a wardrobe malfunction on that last number.

   thinking most of these guys wouldn't make it to Hollywood Week on American Idol

   Was that Nikki or was Cruella DeVille just on the Grammys?

   When people ask "do you believe in aliens?", I just say "have you seen Lady Gaga?"

   noticed that Mick Jager and Hugh Hefner sure are looking alot these days

   thinks that when it comes to Valentine's Day or any day for that matter, the greatest expression of love ever demonstrated was when Jesus gave his life on the cross for me.

   Lady Gaga hatched from an egg... has a hard shell like backside and horns beginning to grow out of her forehead... I think maybe she was born to be a dinosaur.

   Glad to see Lady GaGa(g) selected another food group for the Grammy's. Then performed as Barbara Eden of "I Dream Of Jeannie"

   There's a Facebook group titled "Dear, Kanye West if Justin Bieber wins another award you know what to do"

   Ok... the first little fat flying dude that comes near me with a bow and arrow is gonna get smacked with a fly swatter...

   Happy Singles Discrimination Day!!!!!!!!!!!

   The Mona Lisa is one of the most respected pieces of art in the history of the world, and yet, the second you put a replica of it in your living room, it instantly becomes the tackiest piece of sh*t I've ever seen, Mom.

   Michael Jackson may be dead, but his dance moves live through rip-offs of Justin Bieber and Usher

   Jaden and Justin what a cute couple , One looks like a retarded version of Usher and other one looks like a lesibian looking Alice in Wonderland!!!

   This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering... 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"

   Where's Kanye West when you need him..