Funny Status Messages

   If before every major life decision, people would just say "What would Charlie Sheen do?"...The world would be so much more interesting....

   With the day I just had looking to go out tonight for a bender. The type of bender even Charlie Sheen would say "DAMN DUDE YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Confucious say man who not married not quite ready , when he get married he finished

   has come to the conclusion the more women have seen naked by accident than on purpose.

   If I die young like in the next few days I blame it on the Girl Scouts and their evil cookies.

   Busted, Disgusted, and most of all, I can't be trusted.

   not a stalker... but your couch does look good from the bushes

   women are attracted to danger... and there's nothing more dagerous than running with scissors.

   1300 should actually be like 1250 since about 50 of these pages are nothing but reposts.

   1300...yeah, that's a lot of pages. You have no idea how long it took me to go through all of them..

   I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire....

   I am not nearly as funny or entertaining in person, but I sure think I am when I have a few drinks.

   Justin Bieber takes his relationship with Selena Gomez public. I think that it is so sweet that he's pretending to like girls....

   If something is important enough in my life, it will be denoted by the fact I created an itunes playlist to represent it.

   Note to self...apparently management doesn't find the game of hide-and-go-seek as amusing as I do....which sucks 'cus I had an awesome hiding spot.

   Outraged that Charlie Sheen turned down my offer to do a spin off show called 2 ½ grams…

   I am wondering if Snoop Dog ever watched Charlie Brown.

   Just got some Tiger's Blood. Thanks Charlie!

   don't pee on me and tell me it's raining... pee on me and tell me you love me.

   there any way we can blame gas prices on Charlie Sheen?