Funny Status Messages

   March 4th. I like tomorrows date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!...WITH A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA!! Crap, didn't work.

   I had to sell my halo to Cash4Gold, So I blame the economy for my attitude....

   With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm going to be BAD this year and hope Santa brings me COAL!!!

   watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'

   ever felt you are just one good sh*t away from the perfect tummy??

   does anyone else instantly turn into a 3 year old and can't find there mouth as soon as they put on a white shirt

   When a woman says "I know what I want", you know she is lying.

   when someone posts "Just some exciting news!" Don't comment or "like". Thats what they want you to do. Just wait it out. They will post what the news is soon enough.

   If I were you, I'd get a helmet and some crayon's and call it a day..

   engaged............................................in a battle against soberism.

   Its one of those days when even fortune cookies are against me.

   A buffet is where you find out what kind of person you really are.

   Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

   The DOW is up 200 points. NBC is down 2 1/2 men

   I heard that the world is going to end in 2012, because that's only as far as the Mayan calendar goes. But the news gets even worse: I checked MY calendar, and it only goes to the end of this year!"

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   Pandora tells me what music I like, Netflix tells me what movies I like.. Refrigerator: Why are you such a slacker?!"

   If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?"

   Im gonn change my fb name to 'Charlie Sheen dis', that way I can say 'Charlie Sheen dislikes your photo' to everyone