Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was at the park flying my kite and this random guy came up to me and said "You flying a kite?" I replied "Nah I'm fishing for birds"

   I'm devestated! My entire bank account has been wiped clean. Good thing I won that Nigerean lottery a couple of weeks ago!

   Johnny,if you have 13 chocolate bars.Then you give 5 to Anita,4 to Krystyn n 4 to June. What'll you have? Johnny: 3 new girl friends

   Why is it that the seats on airplanes can be used as a floatation device? I'd feel much safer if it could be used as a parachute.

   Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.

   that most of the status updates published here in the last 4 months has become soooo lame.. nothing creative..

   How do you get off a non-stop flight?

   Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

   BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy

   There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don't tell people everything you know

   You're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there

   The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

   See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil

   I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

   And how come there's never a garage actually for sale at all those garage sales?

   Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

   Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

   it just me or does Pink's new hair do make her look like Mo Howard?

   thinks his GPS has dyslexia....I typed in "Macy's" and it took me to the YMCA!

   Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes... That's the Irish for You!