Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you cant face it, moon it. but just for tonight, you can also supermoon it. its like mooning it but a bit closer

   Decided to add upsets to my bracket this year. So far, I'm the only one that is upset.

   don't beleive all the rumours on me, the true is much worst.

   You know what they say about a man and his feet, That's why I don't find my fear of being raped by a clown irrational.

   Why do we need algebra? Finding X is only useful if you're a pirate.

   I read CAPS LOCK words in a Billy Mays voice

   I still haven't set my clock forward and refuse to acknowledge the time change. I'm not losing an hour of my weekend

   I'm watching hoarders...getting decorating tips

   In recognition and apprehension for our first day of Spring tomorrow, I say a BIG F.U. to Winter!

   Did the Colonel really call President Obama his son?? Why am I not surprised.........

   I would've hated to have been the guy that had to change the light bulbs on The Green Mile......."Really?? Again??"

   I named my iPod 'Titanic' so when I enter it in iTunes it says 'Syncing Titanic' and I feel like a H E R O when I press 'Cancel'

   Why don't women take off their shirts before a fight like guys do?

   "Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than one guy she's a slut but if a guy has sex with more than one girl he's a legend?" The guy replies "If a lock can be opened by more than one key it's useless but if a key can open many locks its a master key

   As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass

   Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right

   imagine if you got all the way home from the grocery store and realized you left sumpthing in the cart? then you gotta go ALL the way back to get yur kid? ugg that really bite

   Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got

   If youre cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?

   Obama Nation sounds like Abomination coincidence hmmmmm……