Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Since when did "Paint By Numbers" make an EYEBROW kit?!?!?!

   comment "An acute failure of the victim selection process." next time someone post the video of the fat kid body slaming the little bully

   Fact: Tan cellulite looks better than pale cellulite.

   I love old people because they're wise and smell like soup.

   Homeless people dont have it too bad; I mean.......they dont have to pay taxes, WORK, pay bills, hell.......they can freakin sleep anytime they want!

   To all you guys out there that "pimp" out your truck , its like dressing your son up in girls clothes.

   Supermoon is awesome!!! Oh wait, that's a streetlight.....

   just caught a glimpse of the supermoon coming from behind the clouds.. It looked like..... the moon!

   I think long engagements are important because you should really get to know someone before you totally use and degrade them.

   OK, Super Moon has arrived. Not quite what I expected ., it was kinda super. Not Super Duper but yeah.

   So the US Supreme court has ruled that you have the right under the First Amendment to protest military Funerals....I invite you to Start your protest in my front yard and we can see if your first amendment is better than my Second Amendment...

   Oh great....now we get to look at a ton of photos of the moon on facebook.

   I know people are going to do what they do regardless of what I say I do...and I've come to the conclusion that people are just ignorant!

   not a fan of emploees who take 25 min dumps, twice a day, while on the clock, everyday. Crap on. Crap Off. Crap on crap off, The Crapper.

   "Just kidding" is just an excuse to not get in trouble for something that you really wanted to say all along.

   The Internet has passed newspapers for the first time as a news source for Americans. Of course, without newspapers the Internet is pretty much Facebook and Twitter.

   The Republican National Committee is considering selling the TV rights to its presidential primary debates. To which Fox News is saying they already own it since all the candidates are working for them.

   Twitter says they will stay based in San Francisco if they get a significant tax break. Apparently they are making so much money that their tax bill comes in at more than 140 characters.

   Diet Coke has taken the number two soft drink sales spot from Pepsi, with Classic Coke number one. Diet Coke is seen as an alternative for people who like the taste, like the option for fewer calories, and want to keep their teeth a few more years.

   Yes, it's true! I am the absolute kingpin of the jelly doughnut cartel.