Funny Status Messages

   10th day without sports and I find a woman sitting on my couch, she says she's my wife. She seems nice

   People are so afraid right now… you could rob a bank with a booger.

   I have the body of someone that goes to the gym everyday. Unfortunately I also have the body of someone that never refuses a cookie.

   Maybe the next hoarded item will be laxatives...to use up all the toilet paper.

   One should not mock ones speech error when they them self make speech errors.

   Day 3 of my self quarantine. I just ate the cat.

   If you don't own a TV then how do you know which way to point the furniture?

   The supermarket's completely out of bread and milk. What is it going to snow?

   Google "African awareness dance for corona" and don't spread rumors.

   The Media in a nutshell... On the Flu: "It's going around." On the Coronavirus: It's coming after you, and it's coming hard! Bet on it!"

   If he threw toilet paper, like he did in Puerto Rico, it would be a more useful response than what he has shown thus far.

   The world changed in 1 month 4rm Feb 14 : "Will you be my valentine?" to Mar 14 : "Will you be my quarantine?

   I can't wait for the next played out toilet paper memes to surface.

   The toilet roll situation has got so bad I have been forced to wipe with lettuce leaves. I fear its just the tip of the iceberg

   Took a really beautiful girl out on a date the other night and never knew she had a dental implant until it came out during a conversation.

   Back in the day the only problem stores had with customers and toilet papes was keeping them from squeezing the Charmin.

   Always look on the bright side of life!....badump....badump....badump adump dump....Come on!... Always look at the bright side of life!.....

   Cough, Through, Though, Rough... none of these words rhyme. But for some reason, Pony and Bologna do...

   How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.

   Well look at the bright side, we've been practicing isolating ourselves from my friends ever since they created Facebook.