Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
We need guns to protect ourselves from the Coronavirus. 
You're just not buying enough guns! More are needed!
I think I had coronavirus back in November. Same symptoms and they couldnt catalog it.
Funny how by doing the responsible thing by staying home the more homeless you look.
Saw a guy on the highway in the car next to me sneeze so I ran him off the road and into the barrier. We’re in this together, folks
Lysol commercial says apply to things I touch most. I have a feeling this is going to burn
Forget the $1,200 stimulus check. I rather get a dollar for every lie he has told us.
Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
Accidentally told the dog she’s my favorite in front of my kids again
I built a makeshift barrier at each end of my street to keep the virus out. Someone tore it down and hauled it away. I need to find them and get my bed and sofa back!
I swear we are fighting two pandemics Covid 19 and Stupidity.
Does Trump really want people to kill themselves in order to improve the economy and to make his poll numbers rise? That's messed up!
If you watched a movie of my life backwards it would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them back into the fridge.
The Gov. didn't have to issue me a stay at home order, my wife did that years ago.
I asked my doctor if I need to cancel my birthday party, but she said that’s only for events over 10 people.
My role in family now primarily consists of walking around the home shouting, “ONLY ONE PAPER TOWEL!” anytime anyone approaches the roll.
Everyone sing along! Don't stand.... don't stand.... don't stand so close to me...
Here’s a sentence that has stuck with me for 22 years, from a doofy classmate’s story in 8th-grade English: “The werewolf puked and died.”
Realtor line of the day: "Folks can you see yourself quarantined in this beautiful 4 bedroom home?
Raise your hand if you’d like to go back to more simple times when clowns were in the woods scaring us. 