Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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5040

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Be nice to your laptop/smartphone today. SkyNet was supposed to become self-aware last night, April 19th 2011. If all goes well we can avoid Judgement Day tomorrow.

←Rate | 04-20-2011 08:51 by Gator Comments (0)

“I like smoking a pipe of sweet hemp.” – Abraham Lincoln

←Rate | 04-20-2011 07:35 by MikeM Comments (0)

420 is the day we celebrate marijuana. 421 is the day employers celebrate random drug testing!

←Rate | 04-20-2011 06:31 Comments (0)

Advice for today: Puff puff, Pass...don't get greedy.

←Rate | 04-20-2011 06:30 Comments (0)

''A married man is 4 times more likely to die during sex if his partner isn't his wife.'' Especially if his wife owns a gun.

←Rate | 04-20-2011 06:20 Comments (0)

My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student....Pierre Pressure

←Rate | 04-20-2011 06:00 Comments (0)

A friend of mine just married a Chinese billionaire. Cha Ching

130

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:58 Comments (0)

Thinks they should change "I now pronounce you man and wife" to FINISH HIM!!!

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:48 Comments (0)

looked at my unmade bed this morning and decided it was art in another medium and I should not destroy it

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:45 Comments (0)

whats with these punks with their brightly coloured hair doing down the pub , I thought I stumbled into fraggle rock

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:43 by Q Comments (0)

Fast food places gonna be bumpin today, Happy 4/20 (̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:42 by Bill Comments (0)

Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in my family. Doctor: No, the problem is no one runs in your family.

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:39 Comments (0)

Yahoo News - "World's oldest man dies". Why does this keep happening?!

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:23 by @clarkysj Comments (0)

Boy goes to a strip club; His mom gets angry and asks him: "did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?"; Boy: ''yes I saw Dad

126

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:22 Comments (0)

My friend told me, "Smart men make great husbands!" Being the guy I am, I had to correct her, so I said "smart men don't get married"

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:20 Comments (0)

OK Guys, you'restuck in bed between the most beautiful girl in the world and a gay guy. Who do you turn your back to?

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:17 Comments (0)

Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:14 Comments (0)

Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.

←Rate | 04-20-2011 05:07 Comments (0)

When I was a kid my family was so poor that the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue!

←Rate | 04-20-2011 04:57 Comments (0)

Found a Blockbuster Card in my closet, haven't been used in years... Is it considered an antique yet?

←Rate | 04-20-2011 04:39 Comments (0)