Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They tell us not to put all our eggs in one basket, then Easter comes and they only give us one basket!

   sitting here watching out the window as the neighbor kids are finding the "chocolate" eggs I put out.. they came out great. Ex-lax was alot harder to mold than I thought it was gonna be...

   Success is a process... During that journey sometimes there are stones thrown at you, and you convert them into milestones

   just broke my damn thumb again!! Really need to take it out my a*se before I sit in future..

   Dear Bible, you forgot to include us in your story. Sincerely, the dinosaurs

   Happy Easter and remember kids, watch out for Obama supporters. They will take 1/2 your eggs and give them to the kids who were to lazy to hunt for their own......

   poking things that confuse me with a stick.

   May all your beans be jelly and may no bunny poop in your basket.

   Q: What's the difference between Hitler, Stalin & Obama?... A: We know where Hitler and Stalin were born.

   So what I have observed is that the Michelin tire guy pretty much pulls tires out of his rolls of fat and throws them at his enemies. Wierd.

   The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

   I was looking through and fondeling melons today at Wal-Mart.

   proposes that if someone pokes you, you should have the option to kick them in the groin or at least in the shins. Let's make this as real as possible.

   dear portuguese easter bunny , dont hide to many eggs in my sweetbread because then there will be less sweetbread and I'll be pissed , thank you :)

   Don't cops have something better to do than arrest non-violent casual Marijuana smokers?

   Antoine Dodson how'd you get arrested for marijuana possession? You are so dumb! you are really dumb, forreal.

   Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, seemed to like the rich families more. Who liked the poor families more? the Stork.

   If Easter Egg hunting was an Olympic event, I would have at least 4 Gold Medals by now. I'm not sure why it is, but I have this extraordinary sixth sense.

   Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don't lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?

   Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.