Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well,today was a total waste of your makeup

   Hey you. Yeah you. No, not you... That other guy. You right there! Yes, you.... Do you like tacos?

   I feel duped. I went to a march of dimes event, and I didn't see a single damn dime marching.

   Wow! The kids from Glee are all singing about accepting themselves for who they are, the autotuned cranked up to 10. Think about that. Take as much time as you need....

   With all the accomplishments of science like mapping the gnome, spaceships on planets, etc.. You think someone would be able to devise a toothpaste that didn't make orange juice taste like ass. Just sayin'

   I'm a good girl, I am. I just never said what I am good at.

   Women are like cell phones. They love to be held, talked to, and handled with care. But if you hit the wrong button, they'll disconnect you in a heartbeat...

   ready to have one too many!

   I accomplished NOTHING today! And yes, I'm proud of that AND I still have my jammies on :)

   If you think I'm bad just imagine two of me!

   not sure which pants to wear today... smarty or fancy.

   You know what is better than dry shampoo? Showering.

   This may be the wine talking but... "Help! He's drinking me.., he's drinking me!"

   I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong

   very surprised at the number of my family members actually willing to admit they are related to me.

   Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

   Strangers have the best candy

   the only way you know who your real friends are is when you change your birthday on facebook and see who write "happy birthday!" on your wall

   Whats the point of making a movie based on a book? Whenever the movie is mentioned, someone has always has to respond with, "The book was better"!!!

   Plagiarism saves time.