Funny Status Messages

   For once in my life I think I found a new diet that really seems to be working for me! That called " I better not eat too much as I'm starting to run low on toilet paper"

   I bought some TP at the dollar store today so yeah, life is going pretty good these days...

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.

   Fake Christian below.

   idiot post below

   I toilet papered my house last night. It's now worth 1.4 million.

   Once this corona tension is over....will take 7 days break and rest at home.

   What's a Kleptomaniacs favorite band? Take That

   Should marijuana be legalized? Let's have a reefer-endum.

   hey you the atheist below please move on

   Literal Cheesy Pick-Up Line: Excuse me, are you Swiss? I'd love to check out your holes.

   The person who said "One person can't change the world" obviously never ate an under-cooked bat.

   Day 7 of quarantine: I haven’t showered for weeks

   panicked at the grocery store and came home with a pineapple

   You know, if you keep a pie in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.

   My current diet is similar to a 9yr old who just found $20.

   Here, hold my drink. Ruining this is going to take both hands.

   Instead of saying “I’ll use the wheelchair ramp,” I like to say “I’m hitting the slopes.”

   me: WTF all the shelves are empty sales guy: yeah this is Ikea

   The opposite of isolate is yousoearly. Please don’t block me.