BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Why does your need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?

   I rather have an enemy who admits they hate me, instead of a friend who secretly put me down.

   Someone once ask me how I hold my head up so high after all I've been through. I said, as long as I come out of it alive, it makes me a survivor, not a victim.

   Why isn't “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?

   The 3 scariest words your girlfriend can ever say to you... "notice anything different?"

   McDonald's should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries.

   Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me.

   Renewing your wedding vows is like agreeing on a double life sentence to prison.

   Their is nothing worse that realizing the vacation you planned is going to be the same week as her period.

   It's 2012 and bread still has a crust. Flying cars my ass.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.

   Your Ex ALWAYS seems to pop back up as soon as you forget about them.

   I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think "What the hell did I do now?"

   Send message without subject? Yes, Gmail. f$ck off.

   Dear Whoever decided when breakfast is over at McDonalds..... F$CK YOU!

   Everybody secretly hates that couple who plans their wedding on holiday weekends.

   Longest minute of life: waiting for food to come out of the microwave...

   Just saw a guy in a Dominos uniform driving a UPS truck. This is either grand theft auto or the most epic pizza trade ever.

   Gossip is usually planted with the hopes that it will spread.