santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   This year I’m printing my Christmas cards on trash bags to save everyone the extra step

   This is the last week you can threaten to cancel Christmas if your kids don’t do what you say; use it wisely.

   ghost of christmas past but it’s just the clothes that used to fit before the pandemic

   Tiger Kings, Joe Exotic will never sing Christmas songs cause he hates carols.

   The best gift of all, is freedom and health. Merry Christmas

   I think Christmas is cats favorite holiday. A big tree to climb on complete with all kinds of things that you can whap onto the floor.

   If your kids keep finding the presents you've hidden, put them in the attic. Don't forget to feed them while they're up there.

   Nothing says Christmas in the South like cranking up the air conditioner while waiting for the tornado warning. . .

   If there are kids singing Christmas carols outside, is it rude to open the door and throw beer cans at them? Because I just did that.

   Can't wait for the fat man to show up on Christmas eve, and no I'm not talking about Trump.

   It's all fun and games. . . Until Santa checks the naughty list.

   Took my car into the mechanic. It was making a horrible high-pitched squeal. He said it was coming from the the Mariah Carey Christmas CD.

   Dear Santa: Either you give me what I want for Christmas or I'll turn Rudolph and Comet into a piece of deer jerky. Make it happen, fat man!

   Here's a Christmas Idea for yas... Cheech and Chong advent calendars with 1 gram of different weed a day .

   Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.

   Christmas is truly a magical time. It's made all my money disappear!

   ATTENTION EVERYONE: I have an announcement to make. Santa just confirmed that I have been very good this year!

   I decided to beat Black Friday and start my Christmas shopping early. *Runs Amazon van off the road

   My mom has been attending her own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!