roN Funny Status Messages

   Facebook has just suggested I poke my wife . . . Yeah good one facebook . . . Been trying for weeks . .

   woke up my wife this morning. She started feeling my face with her eyes closed. I asked her what she's doing and she said "Looking for the off button."

   The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?

   hates it when you go down to get a midnight snack and get excited to find some treasure in the fridge, only to have your hopes and dreams dashed by the treasure being so far past it's expiration date that only Ashton Kutcher would be interested...

   wonders why, if you send someone a fruit basket, you are thoughtful. If I mailed someone an orange and a banana, they'd wonder, "What the hell is wrong with that guy?"

   wondering ... When Weird Al Yankovic dies, will they do a parody of Michael Jackson's memorial?

   thinks the fine people at Aleve are very wise indeed. For headaches, take two Aleve, and keep away from children.

   going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

   says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....

   wonders if people who use sign language are allowed to talk with their mouth full....

   wishes his lawn was emo, then maybe it would cut itself.

   an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week

   standing on his front lawn with his pants down waiting for Google Earth to come by and take his picture...

   's friend was hit by a Dodge, which he/she found both funny and ironic.

   wishes the voices in his head would quit singing off-key