moon Funny Status Messages

   There is no pain you are receding. Britney Spears,

   Think I've spent half the time I've been staying home due to the Coronavirus just scrolling looking for something to watch on Netflix.

   Trying to figure how I know people from their profile picture is making excepting friendships harder and harder with all these masks.

   It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, A beautiful day for a socially distancing neighbor.

   Maybe my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than three of my Facebook friends in 2020 was asking for too much?

   Who remembers when "Never before my coffee" used to be called social distancing?

   I just burnt 330 calories in about 30 minutes. And thats the last time I look at facebook with a pizza in the oven!

   And suddenly people don't wonder any more if your living life to the fullest or have completely given up when you walk into the supermarket wearing pajamas.

   Funny how by doing the responsible thing by staying home the more homeless you look.

   Everyone sing along! Don't stand.... don't stand.... don't stand so close to me...

   One day we'll all be just a memory in people's lives, the trick is to make sure you do everything humanly possible to be a good memory. By, The cashier at Chipotle

   One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!

   If the world was flat like some people say my girlfriend's cat would have pushed me off the edge years ago.

   It's raining it's pouring and.......I never claimed to be a poet.

   I like using my speakerphone but hate how it literally spells everything I say exclamation point period

   I'm going to get married on February 29th so I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.

   The scariest words a man can ever hear from a woman are "Notice anything different?"

   What came first the chicken or the egg all depends on whether or not I'm having breakfast or dinner.

   Chalkboards are a remarkable invention.

   Happy Valintimes, as I love you more then I can express on a website sent by means of a plastic artificial intelligence device <3