jitney Funny Status Messages

   Remember when Joan Rivers didnt look a day over $225,000

   I'm so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..

   ..Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memories of all the faces that have been buried here..."

   Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memorie of all those who died here?"

   All these folks that use to be a Heat Fan...are now a wherever He-At fan.....

   If only you can see the Face I'm makiong ....When you add another plate in the sink while I'm washing the freakin dishes!!!!

   Kermit the frog puppets sales are up......but that's none of my business tho!

   "You make me a better person" - Me talking to my beer!

   Pringles - The only chip company in the world, that doesn't sell air!

   Sooooo workin for TSA wasn't a good enough job so you decided to sell... Coke and make Crack at your house while the kids were there....smh

   Chicken Omelette - a vendetta against the chicken race! Usually when a contract chicken killer who has it in for the chicken, to not only take out a hen's eggs, but to stuff it with chicken! 2 generations of chicken dead!

   When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call..."America's most wanted" or Pedofiliers/Stalkers

   Me: "Do you want to go out” Her: "Like on a date?" Me: "No...out on a bridge so I can push you off!"

   “Mom I’m bleeding”“Oh sweetie there’s" "no need to be worried it's just a sign ur becomin a woman" "Thnk God, I was really starting to get worried about this axe inmy shoulder!"

   So when those annoying Student/Bill Debt collectors call and ask me to verify my information and this call maybe recorded for training purposes....I usually tell em my number recently changed, n give them some other debt collector's number! problem solved

   That moment when spurs get a 20 point lead and I got diarrhea.....

   "All I asked was for a sandwich and a BJ"....... - My Tombstone

   Apple/Google store just came out with a new app called "Find My I-plane"

   Went to see 300 Rise of An Empire last night. After that Athenians sex scene, I realized alot of Empire was rising in the theater. The Men sat down and watched the credits all the way to the very end!

   hey...do we look like we into cheap and safe like candles and flashlights???....Obviously when it comes to lighting crayons on fire, we into much more than just cheap and safe!