jake Funny Status Messages

   You know your house is dirty when people wipe their feet when they are leaving.

   Always plan ahead...... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

   I don't need Google...... My wife knows everything.

   The cemical formula for holly water: H2 OMG

   My lesbian neighbors got me a timex for my birth day. But I don't think they understood when I said I wana watch.

   Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.

   Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.

   Where do crazy people ride their bikes? On a psychopath.

   The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it.

   Gynaecologist: A female private investigator.

   It's better for people to think you're a fool then open your mouth and remove all dout.

   A man of few words is a married man.

   No matter how much you shake your peg...... The last drop always goes down your leg.

   When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.

   Both corn and beer looks the same on the way in as they do on the way out.

   A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.

   Before I die I'm going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.

   I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.

   Difference between a G spot and a golf ball. Guys will search for a golf ball.

   Went to a costume party dressed as a chicken. Ment a girl dressed as an egg. We spent the night at my place. And I found out the answer to that old question. It was the chicken.